Safe Haven

I was grouting Antony's tile backsplash today. I think there is something about the motion of rubbing grout into crevasses that coaxes the mind into elevated contemplation. I was seriously epiphanating. The motions, the VOC fumes, the haunting sound of a loon (which was actually the wind whistling through a crevasse) and my brilliant thoughts!

My parents have enjoyed a long and reasonably happy marriage. So did their parents before them, back through the generations. I went into marriage secure in the assumption that it would last. There is comfort and safety in that perspective. At first, when I found myself un-married again, I panicked. The uncertainties overwhelmed me. The unknown, the big wide world, the endless possibilities seemed too much for me to emotionally and intellectually handle. Hasty remarriage is an understandable reaction, the one I chose, and unfortunately didn't work out well for me.

I have been un-married again for 3 years now. The panic is gone. I am grateful for all that I've learned. I am content. Our needs are so simple. A bit of food in the belly and a bit of love in the heart. I will never want for these things, and everything else is a bonus!

I have sought a safe haven. I've been forced to learn that the only one that I can depend on is within.